A good friend of ours likes to remind us that family life can be messy and that we will find God in our mess. Boy, am I ever glad for that! Yesterday was one of those days. You know the kind. No one was being nice to each other, nothing was really going very well, and I found myself hiding in the car (in the garage) eating the chocolate that I knew I had left in there from the day before. True story, and an all time low for sure.
As I get older I now realize why I felt so close to good ole "Anne Shirley" from
Anne of Green Gables. Why couldn't have I been born without red hair?!?! Now, if you know me in real life you know that my hair is not truly "carrot top" red, but there is apparently enough red in there to give me a great temper. I have great passion for many things, and I've learned that with that comes a little drama (no, you don't say!). I'm a slow learner.
I'm grateful, however, that every moment we get a new chance. It's never good when the morning starts out with the mom apologizing to a roomful of kids for being a big meanie the day before, but it's better than pretending the day never happened and that all was peaceful and lovely.
The thing is. All of these little (and not-so-little) people look to me to keep this place going. Some days (yesterday!) that all seems so overwhelming! So many needs and only one of me. Yesterday was a day where I wanted to quit "adulting". Just for a moment I wanted no one to need me, no one to argue with a sibling, no one needing to go anywhere, no one needing to be fed, no one needing clean clothes, no one needing to talk to me, no one needing me at all!
And then the day ended. We were in town late, got home, got every one settled to bed and the house was quiet. Ah, the blissful quiet! I retreated to my room, settled the baby into our bed, grabbed a book, and sat there and thought.
It was true that the day was crummy, but in those quiet moments I could think clearly. How sad my life would be without these lovely people in it. Some day they won't "need" me in the ways they do now. I know from experience how quickly the years go. Knowing this doesn't make the hard days any easier, but it does bring some perspective.
I think it's important to be honest about these things. Social media tells us all the time that everyone else's families are perfect. They eat perfect food, at perfectly decorated tables, in perfect outfits, with perfect hair, right before they do a perfect reveal of their perfect surprise family vacation.
Perfect moments happen of course and it's fun and important to celebrate them. But, not-so-perfect moments happen too. And it's okay to occasionally share those too.
I've learned (slowly) to cut myself a little slack. If I mess up I try to move on. I send a quick "save-me-from-myself" text to a friend, take a deep breath and try again. God finds me in my mess and pulls me out, even if I am kicking and screaming. I'm not perfect and I don't love the days and moments when I'm reminded of my imperfection, but it is important to acknowledge the messy days, to learn from them, and to look forward.
Today is a new day! My kids still need me, I'm still not perfect, but we are moving forward. We are loving better today, smiling more today, and making much less of a mess all around! I'll count that as a win for sure.
