There's busy and then there's busy

One of the first things people will say to me when they find out that we have 8 kids (after studying my face to see if I'm actually serious) is, "And I thought I was busy!"  My guess is that they look at their lives and then multiply their "busyness" to equal what they think my life looks like with a lot of kids. I don't think they would believe me if I told them that they are most likely busier than me.

There's busy.....and then there's busy!  Clear as mud?  Let me explain.  

I am busy.  We have 10 people in our family.  All of us need to eat, have clean clothes, a clean (but lived in) home, and time to build relationships.  That all takes work, and sometimes a lot of time.  That is what fills my days. But I don't think that's the busy most people are talking about. 

A lot of people have their kids involved in several different activities and families are run ragged trying to make sure that they make it to everything that they are signed up for.  This is not us.  I'm not that kind of busy.

Brett and I have made it a point, and a priority, to limit what our kids are in and how involved they are in activities outside of our home.  This has looked different depending on what season of life we're in.  Currently six of the kids are in karate, one is in symphony and that same one takes two different music lessons.  What that means is that after being home all day, every day, there are 3 afternoons/evenings/nights where we are in town for activities.  The child who is taking lessons doesn't do as much karate because that's the way life is. Sometimes you have to choose, and sometimes you have to say no.

What I've found with this "guarded" schedule is that it gives us, as the parents, the freedom to make sure first things are first.  For us, family time and free time for the kids to be kids (and build relationships with those in our house) trumps any outside activity.  If we are having "a day" (and if you're a parent you know what that means) I reserve the right to say, "We're staying home and getting outside today" or "We'll just do two classes tonight and get home earlier so the little kids can get to bed", etc.  We do not let our children's activities run our family.  Sometimes the big kids have to sacrifice because the little kids can't handle a late night and the little ones certainly put their time in being schlepped around a few afternoons a week.

I feel like approaching busy-ness this way allows me to gauge how things are going.  If I'm feeling particularly stressed out or if I notice the kids are snippy and constantly arguing then that usually means we are all trying to do too much.  Reassessing who is doing what and when is my first go-to approach of bringing peace back into the house.  I will admit that sometimes my solution is to quit absolutely everything and stay home all the time.  When I feel that way usually there is something else to blame, not my kids' activities.  The temptation to throw in the towel usually boils up when I'm not keeping up on laundry or the groceries or the housework and not because I haven't had time to do it.

One other point that I want to bring up about this insane busy-ness business is this.  Rarely have I met any one person that is absolutely phenomenal at multiple things.  Of course exceptions exist.  The basketball player who is also an all-star baseball and football player who has a 4.0 and is socially charming is out there for sure. That's not the norm though.  I hope we are raising our kids to see that it is okay, and maybe even desired to do a couple of things and do them well.  Take the time to perfect a skill, not just dabble in several. 

At the end of the day it doesn't really matter how much we got accomplished or how many sports' jerseys we wore.  It's about what we did with our time, how we treated those we were with, and maybe even how we appreciated the natural beauty around us.  It's food for our souls to be able to breathe, to be bored (yes, I said it!), and to have extra time to just be.  Being still and silent (or at least tolerably quiet) gets lost in the busyness our society has created. 

I hope that my kids will look back on their childhood and appreciate and long for the quiet and time they were given to grow and thrive into who they will become!