Posting again!

December 13, 2011

Outside my window...It's dark and I think foggy.  I would be able to tell if it wasn't so dark.  The weather is warm, relatively speaking, and we have an unimpressive amount of snow on the ground. 

I can hear...A baby sucking on her pacifier, Aidan's bed crack with every "I can't get to sleep" move he makes, the dishwasher running, and the washing machine running.  Actually, I can't hear that last one, but I know it's happening, does that count?

Tonight...We ended on a high note although I can't say that today was the best of days.  Some of us may have been a little short-tempered, others of us may have been acting like an oldest child, and yet others still could have been letting her redheadedness get the best of her.  Oh, there is the one that may have begun an "in one ear and out the other" phase (please let this be a short phase).  I am making an educated guess that we all need to get out of the house, and if Mr.Sun could peek out from behind the clouds to say hello I don't think that would hurt at all.

Around the house...When we first looked at this house I immediately started decorating for Christmas.  Okay, that's a big, fat lie.  When we first looked at this house I told Brett that there was no way on this green earth that I would even contemplate buying this house.  I never wanted to step foot in this house again, and that was the end of that!  I think God has been using this year to teach me many lessons.  But I digress...Once this house was ours and I could be in it for more that fifteen minutes without wanting to scream and pull my hair out, I started decorating for Christmas (well, in my mind).  And now it's decorated for real.  I have the perfect place for my Nativity, the perfect place for our tree (even if it isn't real...shhhh), and for the first time since we were married, a mantle on which to hang our stockings! 

In the kitchen...We had meatloaf for dinner, and I have chicken thawing to hopefully become Chicken Rice Soup for dinner tomorrow night.  If I'm feeling ambitious and generous (has to happen at the same time) I will make my family homemade bread for dinner tomorrow night.  If not, they will have crackers with their soup.  I have very little I can eat in the house right now so when the kids are at karate tomorrow I'll remedy that and I have promised myself and our budget that I'm going to purchase regular food that I can eat instead of "safe" comfort foods which are way overpriced. 

Our homeschool....We are working hard this final week before we take off for Christmas break.  One aspect of our homeschool is that we follow Brett's schedule so when the University is off, we are off.  This year I couldn't bring myself to following that rule because they aren't officially done until the 23rd.  No way!  We have Advent/Christmas books to read, and yummy treats to make, and other preparations for Christmas.

On my mind...I've been thinking a lot about how I spend my time.  Blog? Don't blog? Facebook? No Facebook? Should I sew? Should I knit? Should I read? Hmmm....I still haven't found answers to all of this, but I am trying to be more purposeful in what I do during the day.  Also, can someone please open a store for girls that sells decent clothing?  Ick!  I have four sweet girls, and I intend to keep them sweet girls for as long as I have the power to do that.  I'm loving our school uniforms this year because they are cute and modest and cute (did I say that).  Where's cute?  Where's modest?  Hello?!?!?!?!  I can't be the only mother who struggles with this.

Praying for...friends who are struggling with their marriage, sick friends, pregnant friends, sad friends, lots of friends.  Please pray with me. 

The joy of my day...As much as I complained about my kids today, I am so grateful for each one.  This world is better because they are in it.  The youngest little one is taking her first crawling steps and it is such a joy to watch all of her siblings rejoice with her.  I am surrounded by blessings.

Some pictures to brighten your day...

Doesn't Emma look so big?  Before the weather turned warm and melted all the snow the kids were having a blast sledding down our super-awesome hill.

I love this girl!

Plans for the rest of this week...A little karate, Brett has a gig coming up, finishing school, getting some Christmas stuff ready, feeding my family real food, getting outside a bit, reading a bit. 

Nica's Fire

Veronica and I enjoyed a fire together today.

It was beautiful outside so I bundled up the littlest one and we all headed out after nap time.  I spent a good portion of our time raking our leaves into several massive piles.  Love the large trees...not lovin' the leaves as much now they are off the trees. 

Aidan took over the raking, the older two girls were busy picking up sticks, and I noticed Veronica down by our fire pit. 

"Mommy, wanna sit and woot at my fire?"

I had two choices here.  I don't always pick the greatest one, but today I slowed down, sat down, and "wooted" at my Nica's fire.

Isn't her fire the best? If you can't see it, that's your own fault.  It was lovely! 

Halloween Night Book

October 31, 2011

Outside my window- It is dark, windy, and cold.  Random people honk as they drive by.  I think it's a country thing. 

I can hear- Several kids breathing loudly while they sleep, my sweet hubby working on the shower in the basement bathroom, and the fire crackling as it dies (that last one was just to make you jealous, did it work?)

Our day today- Was a perfect day for Halloween.  Strike that, it was a perfect day before a great Feast Day that reminds us of God's wonderful love and His amazing Saints who pray for us.  Today I went as the "Wicked Witch of the West".  I didn't mean too, truly I didn't.  I didn't sleep well, had a headache, all the kids seemed to need me just a little more today, we took our car in for some minor yet pricey repairs, etc...  As we were singing the Litany of the Saints together tonight it struck me that I have quite a ways to go yet. 

In our homeschool- We are plugging along nicely.  The kids have the day off of regular stuff tomorrow and we are going to sit and read the collection of Saints books that we have.  We are also going to clean.  Read, clean, read, clean, read, clean. 

In the kitchen- A plate full of bat muffins sits on the stovetop.  "Chef Aidan" and his trusty sidekicks, I mean helpers, whipped up a batch of pumpkin muffins.  They looked good, and I had to trust that they were.  None for me. 

We are praying for- Lots of friends who need healing, a friend who will be welcoming another boy soon (I can't believe it, but I think she's the only friend I know who is pregnant...hmmm...this can't be right), and some special intentions that may or may not include the sale of our "town" house. 

I am reading- "Eat Right 4 Your Type".  It's an interesting read on different blood types' abilities to handle different foods.  Felicity doesn't seem to tolerate anything.  If I cheat at all on my diet I can tell immediately.  We just started introducing stuff to her, and so far I think we're doing okay, but she's just so sensitive about everything.  Sweet, sweet miracle. 

I've been contemplating- Facebook.  I have a big post coming up about this, really, I do.  For now let's just say that I'm grateful that Facebook exists for many personal reasons.  However, I hate how I seem to mull over what people from my 3rd grade class post about their feelings about...well, anything.  I need to limit my time and use fb for the good that it offers and not let it be yet another way to be distracted.  Our children have very limited "screen" time.  I would say less than 4 hours a month.  I need to learn something from their ability to be "entertained" and content without the help of media. 

This week- Ah, the calm before the storm, and yet.  Well, we have quite a bit going on this week.  Tomorrow is All Saints Day, Wednesday we are having our Bishop over for dinner and then Brett is picking a friend from Brazil up at the airport, we will have a guest for a week (aforementioned friend from Brazil), and I should try to teach my children something in there and maybe get some work done on a project.

I am grateful for- My home, kids, and husband.  For all of those who prayed for us and our sweet Felicity Perpetua.  For prayers that are repetitive for those times you can't think straight. For those same familiar prayers that light up the face of our babe.  I'm hopeful that someday the fear and anxiety of Felicity's birth and 4 weeks that followed will fade.  They haven't yet.  I'm trying to embrace them and realize that I've learned so much from our experience with life and almost death. It's okay to be reminded about how precious every life is, how we are all miracles.  Tomorrow we will honor many of the Saints that stuck with us through every moment and prayed us through the toughest time we've had as a family.  It's been almost 8 months since Felicity was born and it's time to revisit some of those great friends that we held so close during those hours of uncertainty. 

*For my non-Catholic readers I apologize for leaving you in the dust with all this.  In short...the Saints in heaven are a part of the Body of Christ just like any other Christian brother or sister.  Just like we ask our friends and family to pray for us, as Catholics, we ask those who are in Heaven to pray for us. The pictures/images that are displayed are no different that the pictures of our loved ones that we have on our walls or the refrigerator door.* 

Some picturethoughts:

A Ninja, 2 cowgirls, a lamb, and Native American

Felicity Perpetua (with a hint of lamb-nose)

Just a handful of the Saints we love.  Felicity's super-talented godmother made these. 

How Easy it is

I've recently reached that phase of motherhood that I've watched several friends enter.  The one where you don't have all "littles", the "a little bit biggers" are really helpful, and the "littles" you do have just go along with the family life that has been establishing itself since children entered the scene.  True, it can still be busy and hectic and crazy, but I have more help than "non help". 

In our family the older two have been taking on a couple of chores that really help to lift some of the burden off my shoulders.  We don't do an allowance and we don't expect our children to do everything.  We do, however, recognize that having some age-appropriate responsibilities help to establish a healthy work-ethic and some...well, responsibility. 

Here's the trick though.  I've watch other mom's struggle who are not in this phase yet.  As mothers we look to others for suggestions and help.  Sometimes, though, we look to compare and are left feeling inadequate.  My challenge for myself is to not forget what it was like when all my kids were younger and required a lot of my energy.

I recently experienced (okay, it was through facebook, which I have a love/hate relationship with) a young mom with a brand new jaundiced baby and a sick toddler receive such unhelpful comments when she cried out "enough!".  Comments like, "Welcome to having 2 kids", and variations of that sentiment.  Really?  We have a new mom who is all sorts of hormonal and upset because her new baby is already causing some concern and her other babe is sick and all we can think to say is "Yeah, that's how life is going to be, good luck with that!"????  What happened to, "I'll bring you a casserole" (do people eat those anymore), or "I'll come over and let you rest" or "That's awful, what can I do to help"?  I only have one "friend" in common with this sweet lady, but she happens to be my sister and the new mom happens to be a young lady who has been another sister to my sister so I'm kinda sorta biased here. 

So, this is my plea to all those moms who read this (hello?  are you there? ).  Be a source of comfort and encouragement.  Don't forget what it's like during those "dark days" of mothering young ones when the sun doesn't feel like it's going to come out tomorrow.  We're hard enough on ourselves, don't be hard on one another. 

Stay tuned for my "why I love/hate facebook" post. 

Hands Full

No, this isn't the typical post of a mom of many who hears the "My, you sure have your hands full" comment over, and over, and over.

I had a funny experience this weekend.  I took Aidan to town for a karate seminar he was attending and only my smallest companion came with us.  I had her in my carrier (Ergo!!!!!) and was checking out at the store when the clerk said, yes, you got it, "My, you sure have your hands full."  I couldn't contain myself and I may have blurted out something obnoxious like, "Ha!  I'm on a break!  My other four are doing something else.  This is nothing."  I think I left the poor lady stunned, but she had a good story to tell for the rest of the day. 

I killed the Keifer

Since this sweet and precious little girl has had so many digestive issues a doctor who we are working with suggested "Keifer".  Have you heard of keifer?  I've been a little afraid of keifer to tell you the truth.  Really, what is the stuff?  It multiples, it bubbles, it just isn't right.  Nevertheless, this is something that could potentially really help Felicity so I ordered my keifer grains and they sat, and sat, and sat. 

I finally built up enough courage and was feeling rather motivated since I was having quite a productive day.  Felicity went down for an afternoon nap and it was keifer-making time.  I was making keifer water, as opposed to a dairy keifer because dairy is a big no-no for me while nursing.  I got my organic sugar, my molasses, my filtered water.  I mixed, I measured.  The baby woke up.  Never fear!  I am a mom, I can do anything with one hand (and the 9 1/2 year old helper sure doesn't hurt).  I scooped Felicity up and started reading the next step.  Ugh.  My keifer grains needed to be rehydrated which is a 3-5 day process.  Oops.  I rallied the troops (Aidan), and we started *that* process.  Grains in bowl, sugar in bowl, water on to boil (does any one see where this is going yet?).  Perfect, water boiling, sugar ready to be dissolved in water.  Pour water in bowl.  Wait!  Were those the grains in the bowl?  The 9 1/2 year old informs me that they were since that's what I told him to do.  Nooooo!!!!!!!!!  I killed the keifer! 

I decided to see if the keifer would still work.  I mean, what's the harm.  It's either dead, or it will work, right?  Of course then I got busy and there it sat on my counter for a few days longer than it was supposed to.  The directions specifically say not to consume the keifer if it smells "foul".  Maybe I'm just a keifer-snob, but foul does not begin to describe the way this smelled.  Into the garbage it went.  Fail.

My View

This is what I see when I look out of my living room windows.  Well, it's what I saw when I took these pictures a couple of weeks ago.  Now, of course the trees are almost bare and the leaves are crunchy.  When we lived in Texas I really missed fall.  Living in the forest during the fall has reminded me about how much I love this season.  I'm going to have to make up some pumpkin muffins for the family to enjoy! 

My Fabulous Five

 

The last time I took the kids to a picture studio we had a less than wonderful experience so I thought I would try my hand at taking their pictures in our backyard. I'm not going to start a side-job or anything, but I was pleased with how they turned out.  We had to evict a few toads and I was holding a baby while taking the pics (except the ones with the baby in them), add to that the fact  Nica's chair fell over and dumped her in the leaves where she happened to lose her smile.  All things considered, I think we got a few "keepers".

Miss Felicity at 7 mos. 

Veronica- 2 1/2 years

Gianna- 5 1/2 years

Aidan- two months shy of 10

Emma- 8 years old

 

 

 

I'm so glad I took these when I did because that afternoon we had a windstorm and our tress are looking a little drab.  This fall has been absolutely beautiful and we have tried to get out and enjoy it.  The rain is falling now and I think we've had the last of the "warm" days.  It will be warm again in...July of 2012 or so. 

Enjoying Fall Daybook

For Today: September 29, 2011

Outside my window...We have brilliant fall colors starting to emerge! Surrounding our house are large Maple, Oak, and Birch Trees.  Yes, yes, yes!!!!  Currently it's cold and raining, but I'm not going to focus on that.

In the Kitchen...We've done a lot of cleaning in our kitchen lately.  Cleaning for visitors, okay I lie, cleaning because of visitors.  Miniature furry, four-legged, long-tailed visitors to be exact.  I'm thoroughly disgusted and annoyed with these unwelcome, untidy guests.  The kids and I have contemplated litter-box training them.  If they are going to be here, they could at least not leave presents all over our house.

Around the house...I'm hoping to "catch up" on laundry today, whatever that means.  I'm close to being in a good routine in this house, but not quite there yet.  The kids have really stepped up and are responsible for a lot of the daily tasks around the house.  When I had all "littles" I never imagined how helpful it would be when the kids got older.  The kids are learning skills that they will need for the rest of their lives and I am being relieved of some work. 

Our homeschool....is alive and well.  This year has been my favorite so far.  We changed almost everything from last year and we are thriving.  The kids are learning and are excited about school, and I'm loving it as well.  We can always make changes and improvements of course, but for now I'm happy.

Our prayer intentions...It seems like we are constantly adding to our list of prayers.  Several friends are sick,  a handful are expecting babies soon.  The focus this week, however, is my sister's brother-in-law, Nick.  Nick is battling a rare form of cancer, and the real war has begun this week.  Two long surgeries, the next one being Friday, and a long unknown road ahead.  Please keep this sweet young (my age) man in your prayers.  Also his family could use some major prayers!

Family milestones....Aidan took his last test before his black belt test which will be in about a year or so.  He has come soooo far in just 3 1/2 years. 
                                   Emma has almost mastered sweeping the kitchen and dining room.  This task used to take her forever, but she has worked hard at it and is really improving. 
                                   Gianna's reading is really taking off. 
                                   Veronica is rounding the corner to three, and you all know how I feel about three year olds...Nica is no exception. 
                                    Felicity is almost sitting on her own, rolls everywhere, but most importantly has been feeling so much better since I added "soy" to the list of things I'm avoiding.  More on this in another post.

On our reading lists...We are reading "The Old World's Gifts to the New" aloud for history.  We don't have a current family read aloud which needs to be changed because it really leaves a void in our day.  I'm not reading much at all.  I'm in the "babe-in-arms-constantly" phase of the current baby so when she's not in my arms I'm trying to get "stuff" done around the house.

I'm thinking about...How to better manage my time at home.  So many modern conveniences that suck away precious time from my family. 

The rest of the week...This week is almost over.  Some of the kids and Brett are getting over a little cold.  We have plans to see some great friends this weekend, but the cold might prevent us from going.  The kids have karate on Friday usually followed by a trip to the library to ensure the rest of Friday is quiet and restful. 

I'm creating...Lesson plans! 

Some pictures to share...

Oldest and youngest

Sweet Gigi

Enjoying the outdoors

Large Maple that hasn't changed yet, I can't wait.

Emma and "Almond" the cat.

Construction Zone

We've done several updates to our home since purchasing it.  The latest one is having new doors installed.  Brett has done most of the work himself, but we thought we'd spare him the time and the frustration and spare us the new vocabulary words so we hired a contractor for this project.

We're hoping to finish a few more big projects before the snow flies.  Time is limited, but I think we'll make it. 

I know I haven't posted many pictures about our house yet.  I'll probably get to it, but I'm not a huge fan of "house pictures" in blogs.  I love "big project" pictures, but I'm more of a "this is every day life" kind of blogger so pictures of each room clean and tidy are probably never going to make it on here. 

The new door is steel on one side and oak on the other.  Brett will finish it to match the rest of the wood in our house.

 Here's a pic of the old door. 

Recent Pictures

 What a difference 6 months makes.

 Loving the tummy time.

What?  It's the ears isn't it? 

Rembering this day

This is March 8, 2011.  Veronica had already taken a nap, but fell asleep snuggling up with "her baby".  I'm trying to distract myself from worrying by reading "One-thousand Gifts", but it's not working.  Of course ya'll know the rest of the story.  This is the night our sweet miracle entered this world.  It would be another month before my two littlest girls would be snuggled up next to me again.

The crazy thing about this is that it seemed Veronica knew something was wrong.  She was extremely clingy this day.  We have pictures of it all because Brett was home sick...it took him a long time to get over that sickness, as you can imagine. 

The really crazy thing about this is that a few weeks before my father had his sextuple by-pass, 2 years ago, my parents' dog started crawling up and laying on my dad's chest while he was on the floor watching t.v. They just seem to "know".

I've been spending some time today while Felicity naps uploading pictures so I can take them off my camera.  I came across these and just couldn't resist posting about it.  I don't have many pregnant pics of myself, but these are pictures I will always cherish. 

No Mason Jars Here

This here post is mainly for the homeschooling moms out there.  I think everyone will find at least a minimal amount of humor in what I'm going to say, but unless you are a homeschooling mama, you just might not "get it".

Which brings me to my point.  I don't get it.  I don't get why this time of year and at unannounced times throughout the year the homeschooling mom blogs are full of artistic pictures which include a close-up of Mason Jars with perfectly sharpened pencils, colored pencils, or my favorite...paintbrushes. 

Now, I'm not trying to speak ill of these ladies.  I will admit to walking through the Mason Jar aisle at the store and longing to purchase them.  I knew that if my pencils were perfectly sharpened and beautifully arrange in that jar I, too, could be a perfect homeschooling mother.  Then, of course reality set in.  But where would I put the jars.  We don't have a school "room" and I certainly don't want to lock those beautiful jars in a closet, never to appear in an artistic shot on my blog.  So, there you have it...I'm Mason Jarless. 

It is indeed a travesty, but my children's writing utensils are packed away in $2.00 pencil bags from Target.  Pencil bags that may appear in a photograph at some point, but will undoubtedly go unnoticed by most.

P.S. If you are a homeschooling mom with Mason Jars please know that I'm just secretly jealous. 

Grace is....

...thanking the 2-year-old for helping even though 18 eggs lay sunny side up all over the kitchen floor

A couple of Pics

 This sweet girl has nothing to do with the new school year, except that she makes it extremely interesting.  I just couldn't resist putting a picture of her on here.

My sweet school kids!  Okay, Veronica isn't in school, but I'm a sucker for a girl in a jumper. 

New Beginnings

Don't you just love new beginnings? There's a reason why "they" make a killing selling how-to-organize-everything books, and how-to-lose-weight books at the beginning of a new year. People love the thought of a clean slate to start over.

This school year is my new beginning. We've had a very rough past almost 6-months. Although for the most part things have settled down we are still caring for an extremely needy baby. Our sweet miracle has taught me many new mothering skills. And to think that I had it all figured out after the first four kiddos I'm raising.

We are trying several new ideas this school year. I have no workbooks in my whole house, something I've always strived to do, but failed repeatedly year after year. We are learning together. I stick with the kids all day long and we work together, learn together, and play together. We are spending copious amounts of time together and reconnecting after some difficult times.

Tomorrow marks the completion of our first week of school and I couldn't be happier with how it all went. For once I don't have a checklist of tasks I want accomplished every day and I don't have a set time for when I want things completed. We take the inevitable interruptions as they come and keep pluggin' along.

Goodbye Summer

Veronica, singing along with the "opera lady" on PBS one evening while at my parents' house.

Aidan received a big "F"during his first surgery.  Good thing Dennis is a better surgeon than Aidan. 

  She may be little, but she's tough.  Too bad we left SD before the big Bike Rally. 

I have several more photos to share, and a lot on my mind as well.  The unfortunate thing about all of that is that I also have a sleeping baby and a kitchen to clean and then dinner to make.  The eldest is spending the night at a friend's house and we have an extra girl for the night over here.  So, the deep, captivating post will have to be put off...again.

I can take time to say that the youngest of our crew is doing great!  She's growing and thriving.  We're still working out a couple of little things having to do with her diet (or I should say, my diet), but I think I'm finally on to something.  As long as I don't eat anything she does really well.  I'm only slightly exaggerating here.  So far I've eliminated all dairy, corn, gluten, and most recently eggs.  I think I'll market this as the "starve yourself" diet and make my millions.  

I hope my dear readers haven't given up on me just yet.  I'm still here, plugging away.  Now that summer is coming to a close and our lives are threatening to be somewhat "normal" I'll be posting more often. 

I'm baaaaaaack!

Don't have a lot of time right now but wanted to quickly update to say that we again have Internet at the house! Yay! Lots of posts to come!

Checking in

I've said over and over again since our sweet Felicity's birth that I am no longer going to get upset when things don't go "my" way. No more whining when plans go out the window, when deadlines come and go. So this is not a post complaining about how we still have not moved. It's just a post informing you all that we still have not moved.

Trying this out

I have been taking an involuntary break from this blog. We have no Internet at home and until this very moment I couldn't figure out how post with my iPhone. Yes, yes, I've joined the "techy" world now, but only out of necessity. Our new home is out of town and we decided for safety reasons we both needed to get cell phones. Long story short, I have an iPhone.

Hopefully this blog will see some more activity now that I sort of know how to post from this thing. I'm sure I'm a shame to bloggers everywhere, but I think I can handle that.

The move-in date that wasn't

(The pictures below have nothing to do with this post, but I had to put them in)

We're moving...have I mentioned that yet? Only problem is...we don't know when. Talking to Brett today made me realize why I've been so stressed out. We're waiting on a very important part of our house to get fixed (I'll give you a hint...we seem to have to deal with this part of our house a lot). Well, we don't have a completion date (or a start date for that matter). I'm a planner. I like to know when things are going to happen. I've already dealt with an unpredictable baby, I just don't have it in me to deal with an unpredictable house too.

Luckily, Brett is super understanding of my complete stressed-out-ness. Yay for me!

As of today the semester is officially over. Of course Brett has a gig tomorrow so he's not "on break" just yet. See, I'm not even freaking out about it because I knew..May 21st=graduation + May 22nd= Gig = Brett not officially on break until May 23rd! Give me a date and I can handle it. I may have to repeat to myself over and over again "Do not have a meltdown, do not have a meltdown", but I'll make it if I have a date. I have even at times told Brett, "I'm going to have a meltdown. I will wait until your recital (semester, trip, etc) is over, but I *will* have a meltdown." He appreciates the warning, and I'm pretty sure all psychiatrists would agree that this is a *very* healthy thing to do (right?)

So here I sit. My current house is a mess...my new house is a mess...I'm a mess. To quote a famous bear, "Oh bother."

Open Eyes

Veronica loves to tell me what Felicity is doing, "Mine baby cry mommy", "Mine baby bed, mommy", and my favorite one, "Mine baby open eyes, moooom."

Ducky Outfit

This is the day we brought Felicity home. She's in the ducky outfit that I bought for her as her "take home" outfit, not knowing if she was a boy or girl of course. When I came home from the hospital, without my baby, I found that outfit at the top of my bag. I spread it out on my pillow and cried myself to sleep on it, all the time wondering if I was going to bring my baby home in it or bury her in it. As of today, she's too big for her ducky outfit! What a sweet, sweet feeling to know that my baby is growing and living and breathing (albeit with a stuffy nose since her siblings shared their cold with her). Praise be to God for this girl!

T is for...

Ticks! We have had some major tick issues already this year. Not at our "in town" house, but the new-to-us "country house". Doesn't that sound swanky? Don't fear, we are not independently wealthy. Professors are not making a great living...just barely enough to live actually, but that's for another post. This one is about ticks, unfortunately.

They are everywhere. In general if you stay out of the tall grass you can avoid the little blood sucking creeps. Sorry, does that sound mean? This year they are in the short grass, the tall grass, the rocks, the trees, the weeds, everywhere. They are dangling out their nasty little sticky legs ready to be swept away by any unsuspecting victim. The baby's spit-up rag has fallen, the mom, the two-year-old, the 7-year-old. Tickies, tickies, everywhere.

This brings up a couple of issues. The first being the fact that my girls love romping around in cute little skirts and dresses in the summer. We are not one of those "dresses only" homeschooling families, but the ladies in our family do prefer dresses and skirts. These do not mix well with tickies. I can just imagine my girls coming in from playing down by the creek (we have a creek...how cool is that?) crawling with ticks. The simple solution would be of course not to wear a skirt down to the creek...easy enough I guess. But, replace the entire wardrobe of these sweet girls? That doesn't sound practical. Have them put on "outdoor" clothes for going outdoors? Well, ya might as well replace their wardrobe since we are outdoors all summer long. Insist on light-colored skirts so the ticks are easily visible? Maybe. Insist on frequent tick checks? Definitely. Buy several guineas to eat all of our ticks? Considering it.

The second issue is simply the "ew" factor. I hate ticks. There, I said it. I hate them!

On a side note. Felicity smiles all the time now. Pictures you say? Not yet. That requires her to smile when she's either not in my arms or when there's another adult around to capture the shot. Neither of which is really an option.

Also, Felicity seems to have the cold that has been making it around our house. I'm trying not to overreact about it. She wasn't a preemie so we thankfully do not really have to worry about her immune system. She has proven to us that she's tough so I guess we'll just ride it out.

Kids are currently doing school...er... playing outside in our tick-free yard, but I suspect they will come in soon to eat which means I should have some food to offer them.

Special Day

Last Sunday our dear sweet Emma-girl received her First Holy Communion. Her godfather and his family came up for the great event. We love them! It was wonderful. It was such a special weekend for her and for all who witnessed it. Fr.Andy made the day so memorable for all of us.

It was also Mother's Day on that day and I rejoiced in loving and not missing. Just a wonderful day all around.

Leggo My Ergo

I have a sling because I think it's a requirement to be a part of La Leche League.

I have two because once you buy one you have to have another.

I have a Babyhawk carrier because I couldn't figure out how to use the sling for "back carrying".

I have a Moby Wrap because I think you have to have one in order to "graduate" from the NICU.

I now have an ErgoBaby. I love my Ergo. I've wanted one for years because they've had amazing reviews and you can never find one used (a good sign that the original owners are happy with them). A dear friend of ours uses her Ergo for big and little ones and loves it. I don't know what took me so long. I finally feel like a productive member of society again.

Over the "blahs"

Felicity has now officially been home longer than she was in the hospital. I'm afraid to say that it took way too long and too many meltdowns to get into a good "routine" and feel like I'm not failing at everything I try to do. I finally feel like I can get something done these days without my head being in a complete fog. Wow, hormones and stress...not a good combination.

Brett has a week left of classes and then finals and then he's free for the summer! Yippeee! Okay, who am I kidding? This summer is jam-packed with renovation projects and visitors (and if you're one of those visitors you just might be lucky enough to get in on a renovation project).

The "other" house is shaping up nicely and as soon as we have a new septic system we can move in. I drove up yesterday and it looked like a scene from "Extreme Home Makeover". Too bad ABC isn't footing the bill.

I received a phone call yesterday from the nurse manager at the NICU wondering if I would be willing to go around with the Foundation and tell our sweet baby's story. They are trying to raise funds for a new NICU. This is a project I will gladly support and do whatever I can to help succeed.

Off to the grocery store (yes, with all the kids 'cause that's just how it goes around here) to get ready for the big weekend! Oh, more about that in another post. Hopefully with pictures.

Transitions are messy

And this one is no different. Embracing the mess instead of letting it swallow me whole would be a good idea. Unfortunately, I'm not so good at that. Anyone who knew me growing up would be surprised by that. I lived in "mess"....I thrived in "mess"..."mess" was my middle name! I don't like to wish my life away. If anything, I should know how precious every second is. However, I'm finding myself holding my breath, refusing to let go, until this icky transition time is over. I'm pretty confident that I could find any number of letters diagnosing my problem, but in the end I just need to let go. I'm not in charge (don't tell my kids)...I'm not in control (ha, you can say that again)...I'm not crazy (just felt like I needed a third and thought that "saying" it out loud would convince someone).

In other news: There are no recent pictures of our sweet baby girl because she has a horrible case of baby acne and all the pics that I've taken are so pathetic looking. Of course she's still beautiful and perfect, but it looks so painful.

Small Problem

She's small, but maybe not a problem.

When Felicity was in the hospital she detested being held close. She would desat immediately. Now, she loves being held. All of the time. No, really. All...of...the...time. This would be okay, really it would except for the small fact that she's the youngest of five children in this house. All of these little ones think they want to eat. Not just eat, but eat on clean plates!!! Can you believe them? They also want semi-clean clothing.

Here's the big one though....we're moving. Soon. Well, actually we're never going to move because I'm never going to be able to pack this house.

Am I complaining? Only a very little. I look back at the first pictures I had of Felicity and am reminded of how wonderful it is to get to hold her in the first place.

Practically speaking though...more than 30 seconds without her in my arms and without her crying would be helpful.

Family

I just love these kids!

Today we started up our home school again. Although we have a lot going on with the house it was time to bring some consistency back. I've had to be really honest with myself (hate it when that happens) and really assess what's going well and what we're failing at in our little school. Unfortunately our "fail" list was a lot longer than the other. Bummer. We're continuing along where my wonderful Mother-in-law/substitute teacher left off for now and I'm in the process of planning for next year.

Please pray for us as we discern the best option for our eldest child. He and I are very much alike and lately, to be honest, we have not been getting along at all. I long to have a great relationship with him and I'm not sure that keeping him at home is the best for either of us. We're going to be trying some new things at the end of this year and make a decision from there. I'm hopeful that not all is lost and that we can continue to keep him near and home school, but what I really want is to do what's best for him and our family.

Brett has just over 2 weeks of this semester left and it's getting to be crunch time which means he's gone all the time. I've had to admit to him that I'm not superwoman (I can still see the disappointment on his face...lol!) and that I might not make it through this new baby, house, end of the semester thing without some major help. I know this is just a fleeting moment in the grand scheme of things and that helps me a little bit.

In other news:

Felicity is doing so well. I can hardly look at her without having tears come to my eyes. The more we get to know her the more it hits home that we were minutes away from not having her here! Praise God for His miracles!!!!

I'm glad I can use the excuse "we're moving soon" to explain the state of my house. The reality of it is that it's just a mess.

Veronica has red hair. Need I say more?

Emma is beyond excited about her First Communion. Her godfather and his family will be here to celebrate.

Aidan has been answering the phone lately. This is really weird and "big kid" for me. It all started when I was away every day with Felicity in the NICU. Since he knew the people who were calling much more than my in-laws he sort of just took over that job. I honestly don't care for kids answering the phone, but I think this is an independence thing that I need to let go of.

Gianna is 5 and talks all the time. Have I mentioned that before? My, oh my, do I now understand my parents. I was the exact...same...way. It's painful at times.

Spring is trying to come. The sun peeks his little head out at times and gets us all excited. Of course the snow we've had the past couple of days makes us scratch our heads and wonder if we someone missed a month on the calendar. Then again, the little green buds remind me that no, Spring is coming. Yay for Spring! Yay for sun!

My Heart is Full

I was just telling Brett the other day that I feel like such a "real" blogger. So many of you have written such sweets words of encouragement. Readers whom I have never met took the time to lift this struggling lady up. Thank you, thank you. thank you!

It is humbling being in need whether it's physical, emotional, spiritual, or a mixture of all of those. For the past 3 nights Brett and I stayed up after the older 4 kids were in bed and read through all of the comments that were left on Felicity's caring bridge site. Wow! To say that was an emotionally difficult process for me would be an understatement. Those comments and prayers kept us going for 4 straight weeks. I look back on the ups and downs of our NICU stay and I marvel at how distant it feels. Days that felt like weeks are faded in my memory. I think this is a good thing, a healthy sign of healing.

So, here I sit, holding my darling 4th daughter. The transition home has been more difficult than I anticipated (see last post), but we're getting there. My postpartum hormones are throwing me out of whack for sure, and I haven't been dealing with that well. It's hard being conflicted about what happened with Felicity's birth. Heidi hit the nail on the head. I am mourning a loss even though I was given such a gift. The memories surrounding my other children's births are joy-filled. I was very present and remember pieces of each quite clearly. Felicity's birth was different for a variety of reasons. I kept my eyes closed for the whole way down to the OR. I prayed and prayed and really wanted to avoid any visual memory of the traumatic scene. They made me open my eyes while I was put under because they needed to make sure I was out. I was surprised to see a stereotypical bright OR light overhead and then nothing. I remember being asked to hold out my hand and touch "your baby's head" and then out again. I vividly remember seeing a head full of dark hair just like my other babies. The rest of the story picked up from there. I was spared from knowing that she wasn't breathing at birth, that her heart was barely pumping, that the rest of her organs were failing. I just knew that they were "working on her". Those were the words that let me know we had another sweet girl. No fancy "it's a girl" announcement this time. I may have been out of it, but I could sense the tension in the room. Finally I was rolled into the area where the NICU team would be passing by on their way to transport her to the bigger hospital. "Here's your daughter. See, she's trying to breath on her own." I took those words as comfort. I remember she looked absolutely perfect and I was just praying that we weren't too late.

My life is overflowing with emotion right now. When we're out and people comment on my sweet girl I have a hard time not telling them the whole story. You'll be relieved to know that I have, at the time of this writing, been able to control myself.

So, dear readers. There's a small piece of what's happening in my conflicted heart. Please bare with me as I relive those moments on this page. Prayers of course are always welcomed and appreciated. And any advice as to how I can avoid going crazy while we pack for our big move that's coming up, oh and how I can avoid selling unruly children on the black market would be great as well.

Picture time

I'm just amazed at how much like a normal baby she is.


Smile!

Not sure if this is an ad for the Moby Wrap or my new Dyson.

Here they all are. I'm hoping to get a good pic on Easter.

The Reality of it All

Holy Week has started off a little rough. Not "Mardi Gras" rough, but rough. We had labwork for Miracle Baby early this morning, ran out to the new-to-us-house to meet a masonry guy, grabbed fast food for lunch, had quick naps, ran to the other town across the bridge to pick out a gas fireplace insert, picked up pizza for dinner, and headed to the Newman Center to pray the Stations of the Cross and have Adoration. Here's the thing. Regardless of how amazed I am that she's here, having a new baby at home is still hard. I'm not sure what I thought was going to happen when we brought her home, but the reality is...this is real life. My real life consists of 2 year-olds who demand things, 5-year-olds who whine if her clothes don't fit just right, 7-year-olds who get lost in the craziness of it all (so sorry, sweet Emma) and 9-year-olds who question, challenge, and have an opinion about everything. I thought, although I knew different deep down, that bringing *this* baby home was going to be different. *This* baby should make us all speak to each other with loving kindness. *This* baby should help us to stop and realize that the frustrations of the day are small. *This* baby was going to bring to her momma an abundance of patience so that no one would hear a raised voice again, a sharp word again, see an upset and angry look again. But, the reality of it all? Hasn't *she* done enough? *She* brought us hope, deepened our faith, brought us closer to each other and to God, helped us realize how precious every single gift is, every single day is. *She* survived. *She* lived. My precious girl has changed me in more ways than I thought possible, but I'm still not perfect. Not only am not perfect, but I'm still very much in the healing process, both physically and emotionally. I never intended this blog to be a place where I talk about my perfect life with my perfect husband, perfect children, and unfaltering faith. We are very much at a hard place these days. We re-learning how to be a family again after a life-altering trial. And that, well, that is the reality of it all.

I Believe in Miracles

This weekend was the first time we took our sweet baby to Mass. "Really God?" I wanted to say. "The gospel about bringing Lazarus back from the dead? Will I never be able to go to Mass without crying? Ever?"

Our deacon, who is a firefighter/fire inspector, preached about when he witnessed a man being brought back to life after he had stopped breathing and his heart had stopped beating. He spoke about miracles that happen today. The only objection I had was with his use of the word "luck". Luck is nowhere to be found in miracles.

We continue to call Felicity our miracle baby. She is a miracle in so many ways, but the saving of her life started several months back. I can see it now, but didn't then.

We have been looking at houses out in the country since about October of 2010. We met with disappointment house after house. Our offer wasn't accepted, we didn't get our offer in on time, the seller's didn't want to sell afterall, and the list goes on. Although we kept saying we wanted "God's will" to be done, I would be lying if I said that we weren't disappointed and getting very annoyed.

Fast forward to the night that Felicity was born. All of the houses we were looking at were 20 minutes out of town. 20 more minutes and we would have been planning a funeral for our sweet girl.

The lady who watched our other kids the night we went in because I hadn't been feeling our sweet baby moving lives right around the corner. She works with Brett. She doesn't normally watch our kids. Brett insisted on calling her instead of our friends who live a ways away. It was a blessing that she was home, that she didn't have a concert or rehearsal that evening. Erin later shared with us that she wasn't in too much of a rush to get to our house because Brett just said that we were going to go in just to make sure everything was okay. All of sudden, she shared with us, she had a sense of urgency come over her and she threw her stuff together, hopped in her car and rushed over. Praise God!

There's more. The OB who delivered Felicity in a record breaking emergency c-section was at the hospital teaching a class. I was going to a Family Practice doctor for my OB cares. The hospital where I delivered doesn't have an "in-house" OB, just one on call. We didn't have time to wait for an on-call OB to come.

All of the nurses that were on that evening for both me and Felicity (which were the ones that came over from the hospital with the NICU) were senior nursing staff and were fabulous. The neonatologist that came for the transfer was also experienced and wonderful! He remains one of our favorites. We didn't know at the time that we were going to be getting to know him quite well.

Once all of these pieces were put together for me I couldn't help but take comfort in it all. Would God really take the time to make all of this happen if He didn't intend for Felicity to stay with us on earth for a little longer?

Miracles do happen today. We have proof!

New life

I'm back! It feels good to be back here, my space. On Felicity's caringbridge site (www.caringbridge.org/visit/felicityjones) I've shared the story and the journey that took us from this: To this:

I will pick up where we left off, but throughout the next few weeks I will fill in some gaps from our story. The adrenaline has dropped a bit and I've had to process what really happened and have had to work through some very real feelings about it all. We had a happy ending, a very happy ending. My mind knows that, but my heart jumps at the thought of "what if".

I have my two youngest at home while Brett has the three oldest praying the Stations of the Cross with the Newman group. The house is quiet, and I have a stack of papers from who knows how long ago...I'm guessing about 4 weeks...that I have to go through. A whole month went by without my participation.

I have new appreciation for every day with the people I love. I'm tired, I'm healing, I'm hormonal, and I'm emotional, but through it all, I'm blessed. I'm very, very blessed.