I've recently reached that phase of motherhood that I've watched several friends enter. The one where you don't have all "littles", the "a little bit biggers" are really helpful, and the "littles" you do have just go along with the family life that has been establishing itself since children entered the scene. True, it can still be busy and hectic and crazy, but I have more help than "non help".
In our family the older two have been taking on a couple of chores that really help to lift some of the burden off my shoulders. We don't do an allowance and we don't expect our children to do everything. We do, however, recognize that having some age-appropriate responsibilities help to establish a healthy work-ethic and some...well, responsibility.
Here's the trick though. I've watch other mom's struggle who are not in this phase yet. As mothers we look to others for suggestions and help. Sometimes, though, we look to compare and are left feeling inadequate. My challenge for myself is to not forget what it was like when all my kids were younger and required a lot of my energy.
I recently experienced (okay, it was through facebook, which I have a love/hate relationship with) a young mom with a brand new jaundiced baby and a sick toddler receive such unhelpful comments when she cried out "enough!". Comments like, "Welcome to having 2 kids", and variations of that sentiment. Really? We have a new mom who is all sorts of hormonal and upset because her new baby is already causing some concern and her other babe is sick and all we can think to say is "Yeah, that's how life is going to be, good luck with that!"???? What happened to, "I'll bring you a casserole" (do people eat those anymore), or "I'll come over and let you rest" or "That's awful, what can I do to help"? I only have one "friend" in common with this sweet lady, but she happens to be my sister and the new mom happens to be a young lady who has been another sister to my sister so I'm kinda sorta biased here.
So, this is my plea to all those moms who read this (hello? are you there? ). Be a source of comfort and encouragement. Don't forget what it's like during those "dark days" of mothering young ones when the sun doesn't feel like it's going to come out tomorrow. We're hard enough on ourselves, don't be hard on one another.
Stay tuned for my "why I love/hate facebook" post.
1 comment:
All I can say is I AGREE. I hear you loud and clear. We had friends here this weekend who's kids are even just 1 year to a year and a half younger than mine (also 4) and hearing her talk I remember the differences even a few months can make at this point.
Keep talking about this!
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